I got so lost in the shuffle...

that I forgot to tell you guys that my iPod broke a few weeks ago. Yeah, I know. Most of you don't care. But to know me is to know the significance of an iPod in my life. I need an iPod like I need oxygen. No joke. So after fighting tears of frustration and talking to my good buddies at the Apple Tech Support team, I came to realize that the cost of repairing my iPod would be ALMOST as much as buying a new one. Everyone already knows how cool Apple is. Well, to reinforce their coolness to me, they told me that if I purchased my new iPod at an Apple store, I could recycle my old one and get 10% off of my new one.

So I did it.

I bought a new one.

And this is not your run of the mill iPod either.

Oh no.

It's a 32GB iPod Touch. Queue angels singing here.



This thing is hands down the new love of my life. Yeah yeah, I love you and everyone else too. But no offense, there is no comparison to the euphoria I experience with my iPod. Genius play list without having to use iTunes? Check. Free apps? Check. You Tube? Check. Maps? Check. Email? Check? MySpace and Facebook? Check check. Anything I want..it's all on this little glass and stainless steel wonder. Dude...I ♥ this thing. Seriously.

And since I no longer have a job to go to every day, I've been spending lots of quality time with my iPod. And I have revisited music that I haven't listened to in forever as well as stuff that I currently cannot get enough of. I thought maybe, since I have so much time on my hands, that I could just list random lines from songs that I like that make me laugh, are cool, I can relate to, or just other stuff I wish I had written myself.

*And of course I'm slappin' hoes, mackin' hoes up and down the avenues.

*Who you know fresher than HOV? Riddle me that.

*His Pinto was sitting there is the parking lot...well that shoulda been a warning. I had no clue what I was getting into so I blame it on the Cuervo.

*"Blah blah blah blah" that's how the fuck you sound, you drunk and hot girl.

*Slow down my spit so you squares can understand it.

*Who you tryin' to get crazy with esa? Don't you know I'm loco?

*I like my beats funky. I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.

*I'm insistin' you chill for real before you come up missin'.

*I don't like living under your spotlight.

*You ain't nothin' but a hoochie mama. Hood rat hood rat hoochie mama!

*They say money don't make the man, but man I'm makin' money.

*Why spend an arm and a leg when we can kick it for free?


And that's all I've got for now. Off to the DMV. Yay.

I'm so bored, that I forget that I'm bored

As some of you know, I was "laid off" last week. I'll spare you all the details, but it's really a bunch of bullshit.

So tomorrow will be one week since I've been laid off. I figured that this might be kinda cool in some weird way. Because I cannot remember the last time I've had an entire week off. I've been actually reading all the material I need to for school. I get to be a mom and drop off and pick up Danny from school every day. I can cook dinner at a decent hour. I can take as long of a lunch break as I want. I can watch all my shows on my DVR. More importantly, I can watch all the Nip/Tuck on DVD that I want.

But..

I'm so fucking bored.

So far, I have sent my resume to at least 25 places. I've turned in one late assignment. I've deleted shows on my DVR because I now kinda feel that The City is a waste of my time. I forget to take the meat out of the freezer to make dinner on time. And Danny asks me to drop him off around the corner from school because my Honda with a different colored hood from the rest of the car is too embarrassing. But, I have watched OODLES of Nip/Tuck on DVD.

I'm so bored, I forget that I'm bored. Seriously. Right now, I'm watching American Idol. And I'm bored. So I was playing Texas Hold'Em on My Space. And I was still bored. Commercial break comes on, and I thought "Hey! I'll watch Grey's Anatomy on my DVR! because I'm bored." Then I remember that I'm watching American Idol.


Being unemployed is like being high. Only without the Mary Jane, coughing, and munchies. Too much time on your hands to do things that are mostly irrelevant and you can't decide what to do first. So you end up staring at the TV with your eyes glazed over and wonder where your whole day went.

Things That Have Amused Me In The Past Week

1. Being told that being a bitch is OK as long as you're not discriminating who you are a bitch to.
2. Going to City Beach and listening to music such as Come Baby Come by K7 and Back to the Hotel by N2Deep.
3. A-Rod apologizing (ahem. DEEPLY SORRY) for taking steroids.......even though he claims he doesn't know where he got them, what they were, or why he took them.
4. Danny being STOKED about his evening at WWE Monday Night Raw tonight.
5. My brand spanking new 32GB iPod Touch and the pick up lines app I downloaded on it.
6. Those weed commercials where the girl says, "I made my mom cry."
7. The Jonas Brothers performing with Stevie Wonder on the Grammys.
8. The cop eating a donut in City Beach.

That's all I can think of right now. I gotta finish my white mocha from Starbucks to keep myself awake. :)

I Hella Love The Bay

because it's only in The Bay that you can ride a BART train (Bay Area Rapid Transit)and witness this en route to the South Hayward Station.



Yes, SHE is standing up and pissing on the train.

Here is the story.

Last Friday night, James was coming home from his friend's house after work. When he got on the train, the woman we now see standing up and bare-assed was dead asleep in a seat. He moved past her and sat in the corner. Then out of nowhere, she wakes up about 45 minutes into the ride and realizes she has to relieve her bladder. So she gets up, grabs herself, pulls down her pants and does "the damn thing". If you will notice you will see there are a few people in front of her. As she is "doing the damn thing", one of the guys in front of her yelled back to James, "Yo- what the fuck is she doing? Is she pissing?" James replies, "Oh yeah! She's pissing!".

Then the winner of the classiest woman award kinda snaps out of her daze and realizes that there are other people around and everyone just say her pissing on the BART train. She got off at the next exit.

Never a dull moment in the San Francisco Bay Area.

4 cute kittens +1 psycho bitch + 1 Barack Obama - G. Dubbya = the truth shall set you free

A few weeks ago I was having dreams about 4 kittens. The first night of the dream, James and I were somewhere that I'm guessing was our new home and it was Texas of all places. On the patio, there were four sweet little kittens. Two were orange tabbies and two were the black and grey striped kind (whatever those are called). One of the orange ones and I completely clicked. I wanted to keep it so bad but I knew that I couldn't. A couple days later, I dreamed about them again, but this time they were older and a little bigger, but still kittens. I don't remember the circumstance, but the orange kitten was there and came up to me and I was sad I couldn't keep it. The third time I had the dream, they were like teenager kittens. Older, not fully grown, and in that awkward stage of growth. But the orange one and I still really clicked.

Dude...these dreams were bugging me because I could not figure out what they meant or why they were growing each time I dreamed about them. So I texted Danielle and asked her to break out the dream book because I wanted to know WTF was going on. She told me that cats mean you're going to have a huge fight with someone, the growing symbolizes an ongoing issue, and then she asked me if there was a storm brewing any where. And there wasn't that I could think of. Then I started to worry that it was going to be Sami because in the third dream I had, Kenny (Sami's boyfriend) had the kittens and he was trying to give them away.

Flash forward to last Tuesday (weird that I'm asking you to flash forward to the past, but go with it). Happy inauguration day!! Woohoo! All will be right with the world. My cool friend Tom posted a funny little story about people throwing shoes at a blown up doll of Dubbya on inauguration day. I reposted it and my fucking psycho "friend", who is a Republican because she took 3 quizzes on the internet that told her so, emailed me and told me how disturbing it was.

Now, if you feel like going back through my blog, you will see that her and I had some problems after election day. From that point forward, I decided I will no longer discuss politics with her because she is ignorant and doesn't know what she's talking about because she has not done any research aside from 3 quizzes on like...I dunno...fucking Pyzam or some stupid shit like that.

It all rolled into a giant ball of fury on Wednesday. I will spare you the details of the ridiculously looooooong emails she sent me full of bullshit lies but I will say this: she really should be on meds. I told her never to contact me again. Do you think she listened?? OF COURSE NOT!

Of course I kept Danielle in the loop the whole day. She's my bff and there will never be another. She was laughing with me and could not get over the fact that 3 quizzes can actually determine your political party affiliation. Then I brought up the cats again and she kinda freaked out (not like the psycho Republican) and said she had completely forgotten about the cat dream and we decided that yes, in fact, the cats referred to the psycho bitch who's name I will not mention.

What's even crazier though is that I was talking to Sami about it last Wednesday and told her the dreams. She said that the cat was orange and spotted because psycho bitch has strawberry blonde hair that is kinda orange-y and she has freckles.

OK, this is getting to be too crazy.

OK, so long story short, I'm done with this crazy bitch. But she can't seem to let it go. She went as far as to email me this morning to tell me what a shitty person I am and how she bought me a Tiffany's necklace for my birthday blah blah blah. A gift is a gift. I didn't ask for it, I certainly wasn't expecting it. The email goes on to say that I don't need to bother replying to her because she's blocking me again. LOL

I texted psycho path to get her address so I can send it back to her. She told me to grow up.

?

How am I the immature one here?

So let's get immature!

Anyone wanna buy a Tiffany's necklace from me? Best offer. :)

Being an immature bitch feels so good.

Have a beautiful week Lovlies!

In the words of Biggie

"If you don't know, now ya know"


I got this from my friend Corrina over at My Space. I like doing these because I never really know what to say about myself, and these help everyone understand my nonsensical self. Enjoy!

Hi, my name is:
Tiffany

Never in my life have I been:
normal

The one person who can drive me nuts is:
Danny

High school:
I would love to do it again knowing what I know now.

When I'm nervous:
I get really sick to my stomach and if I'm really really nervous, I'll break out in hives too. Sexy huh?

The last song I listened to was:
Home by Staind

If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor:
I wouldn't get married right now. Or ever for that matter. I'm not into the whole "legal paperwork to make it official" thing.

My hair is:
in desperate need of a cut

When I was 5:.
I lived in a nudist colony in Florida.

Last Christmas:
Danny and I were home by ourselves because he had strep.


I should be:
working.

When I look down I see:
work that I have that makes me look busy..when I really should be busy - not just looking like it.

The happiest recent event was:
I finally got my pink Nintendo DS yesterday!

If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be:
Phoebe

By this time next year:
I will most likely be living in Redwood City or somewhere else on The Peninsula.

My current gripe is:
I would much rather be playing Mario Bros. on my new DS right now.

I have a hard time understanding:
why my iPod feels the need to pick the 50 stupid songs on my iPod first when I put it on shuffle.

There's this girl I know that:
has her car in the shop and is borrowing a car from someone else...yet still asked for a ride home from one of our male coworkers. I'll let you guess who this girl is.

You know I like you when:
I call you a hooker or a bitch

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:
James, Danielle, and Sami all via text.

Take my advice:
the grass really isn't greener on the other side.

The thing I want to buy:
a new laptop.

If you visited the place I was born:
you would notice how the city almost defines my personality. Kinda hippy and chill.

I plan to visit:
Lake Berryessa this summer in hopes of not repeating the hellacious sunburn I got there last summer.


I'd stop my wedding if:
I started planning one.

The world could do without:
people who think their way is the only way

I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
nothing. I don't want to lick the belly of a cockroach.

Most recent thing I've bought myself:
A Nintendo DS and Super Mario Bros. Well, technically James bought it for me with his gift card. But he let me make the purchase because he loves me.

Most recent thing someone else bought me:
Pride Fighting Bushido 12 DVD

My favorite blonde is:
me

My favorite brunette is:
all my bitches

My favorite black hair is:
Barack Obama. :D

My middle name is..
Lorraine. Horrible, isn't it?

In the morning I:
woke up at 4:15 because I fell asleep shortly after 9 last night.

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:
I dunno...that's a little too weird for me.

Once, at a bar:
I was waiting to meet with someone and the two bartenders said, "Don't we know you?" Then I realized that they were Lawrence and Eddie. I went to school with them. Further, Eddie and I had a few make out sessions in high school. I didn't recognize either of them.

Last night I was:
playing the DS!

There's this guy I know who:
I love more than myself. Sometimes I forget though.

If I was an animal I'd be:
a cat

A better name for me would be:
Tiffany is good for me.

Tomorrow I am:
working. Shocking, right?

Tonight I am:
cooking dinner, doing homework, watching the inauguration on my DVR, watching American Idol, and doing laundry in between all that

My birthday is:
August 30th. Buy me something nice please! :) I have a wish list. lol

I can't get to sleep without?
the TV on

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
iPod, cell phone, Nintendo DS, washer and dryer, stove, and a lap top. I'd be do it all Barbie.

I have an irrational fear of:
snakes, worms, slugs, snails....again...basically anything with less than 1 leg(excluding people).

What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?
my grandparents are all dead. But it used to be lots of baked goodies, kick ass home made lasagna, stuff bell peppers (because I hate cabbage), and my grandma used to make the best ham sandwiches. I can't explain why they were the best; they just were.

What weight were you when you were born?
I have no idea.

I am most opposed to:
organized religion.

Do you stalk anyone on myspace?
No. I don't have time for all that.

I am too old to be:
Involved in drama.

I find the thought of childbirth:
pretty fucking awesome. I really wanted to get my degree in health care to become a labor and delivery nurse. Then I realized that I have a lot of doors open for my in the corporate world, so I switched my major. Oh well. Maybe next lifetime.

Next door to my house is:
I live in an apartment.

My feet are:
in need of a pedicure.

My preferred style of jeans is:
bootcut

I know how to cook:
anything with the right recipe. But without a recipe, I'm not that good of a cook.

I am annoyed at:
not much really. Can't think of anything. Actually, I take it back. I'm just not gonna go there.

Men should always:
clean up the mess they see instead of saying "we need to do XXXX".

Women should never:
let a man cost them their smile. I promise you, it's not worth it.

What child-related smell do you not like?
paste

What sea creature scares you?
giant squids

What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
black.

What object have you broken most recently?
magnets on my fridge

Name one of the Spice Girls?
Posh...that bitch has my fantasy man.

What was the last thing to make you cry?
The Family Guy because I was laughing so hard.

I would like to be in an advertisement for:
not sure. I know I would not like to be in advertisement for some STD related medicine. Remember Joey on Friends? No thank you.

What are the stems of wine glasses for?
to make you feel like you're not an alcoholic because you're drinking out of a pretty glass.

My favorite shoes are:
flip flops

My mothers' greatest fear is:
I don't know exactly, but I'm pretty sure it was that I would take the same path in life that she did.

Can you use chopsticks?
to stab at my sweet and sour chicken with

Do you prefer beaches or forests?
beaches

how f**ked up is this?

Everyone that knows me, knows how easily distracted I am. You all know that I seriously have an undiagnosed case of ADD.


So here I am writing my cultural diversity paper for finals this weekend. I didn't realize that I need to reference the text in my paper. I didn't know that till like....right now.


As I was flipping through it, I realized how much I didn't read. One chapter speaks of different forms of prejudice. And there's a photo similar to this, with this caption below it.



Preserving culture or
expressing pride can
sometimes cross the
line and intimidate
others.
In Laurens,
South Carolina, one
finds the “World
Famous Redneck Shop
and Klan Museum”
where one can pick up
souvenirs that often
carry symbolism that
is regarded as racist
by many.


Ummm...wtf? There are really places like this? REALLY? Gotta love Google because I googled The World Famous Redneck Shop and would you believe this place has a MySpace page?? Seriously, I'm not kidding.


www. myspace. com/theredneckshop

So of course I click on it. And honestly, I don't know what disgusts me more...the fact that there is a store and people actually shop there and support it, or the fact that people actually shop there, support it, and befriend the store ON MYSPACE!

Curiosity always gets the best of me. So I start reading the comments on the page. And as one would guess, the people are generally as fucked up as the store and the concept behind it.


I expected the white trash.


I didn't expect this guy.


www. myspace. com/black_whitekid

Further, his comment blew my mind.


"how you doin long time no see guess what i am bout to be the first black guy in this ferturnity at school
thats what sothern prides all about
SAE
..whitepower "

I would just love to show you the picture of him sitting in front of a confederate flag doing this whole white power hand salute thing but I can't copy it. It's disgusting.


Now please don't get me wrong. I think that EVERYONE has the right to be proud of their heritage and what they believe in. I do not think that the way these people go about it is ok.


I am not trying to start a racial MySpace war or anything like that. But dude...this is just crazy. I had to share it with all of you.


And if by some crazy chance, I happen to have closeted racist friends and blog readers who think this shit is ok, stop reading my blogs from now on. I want nothing to do with you.